No Woman No Cry

Today was a day full of ups and downs. I woke up and went to the gym with my new mum, and it was such a nice gym, and I was so excited to join and be a part of something. I filed out all the forms, and the lady said "okay thats $200." I thought, thats not that bad for 3 months! She then said the remaining $400 could be paid in two separate payments.... I was so dissapointed. Now I have to try and figure out what to do, and I am so stressed. $600 for three months is so expensive! The gym is so nice though, with that money, you get sessions with a personal trainer and any of the classes the gym offers. I just need something to make me feel good and happy, and it was just a slap in the face to have this awesome thing I was excited about, but have it cost half a new computer. At least I got a good run out of today, my legs wanted it.

After the gym, I tried to get my computer hooked up to reliable internet, because right now I am using a shitty AirPort signal. We had all the software and passwords there, and again I was excited, but it just wouldn't work. I just wished so badly that something would just work. Everything here is so hard, and It would be nice if something just worked. I guess life wouldn't be fun if everything were easy. At times when I feel so frusterated, I just need to remember that I came here because I wanted a challenge from life, and thats what I'm getting. In less than 3 months, I'll be back on my good internet connection, with my own treadmill, right at home.

After dinner tonight, I practiced guitar for a little bit, and then went to go see "confessions of a shopoholic" with Julie's little sister. I actually understood a fair bit, which was exciting, but the movie just wasn't that good. Now I am getting ready for my second week of school, which I can't say I'm looking forward to. It is really depressing to know that no one could care less if I am there, if I didn't show up, I wouldn't be missed. I am just tired and frusterated. I want a hug so badly.... you have no idea how hard it is to know the only people that could give you a loving, genuine reassuring hug are thousands of miles away. I want to be here so badly, and I know that I need to make my own happiness. Things are hard, but in order to grow, I need to push down the walls that trap me. I know the strength is inside me. I have the power to make any situation into a good one, I need to always look at the bright side of things. There are so many things working against me, but I have the tools inside me to get over it. I will push down my obstacles and put myself out there. It is hard, but I can do it. That is why I am here. I need to look at tomorrow as a challenge, and a chance to grow and learn, rather than look at it as a roadblock. It would be so easy to give up. So easy to sit by myself and not even try, but I am stronger than that. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

On the plus side of things, I bonded with Julie today! We played wii, and laughed so hard and how silly we were! I was thinking today that this was the longest I had ever gone with out "rawr-ing" at someone, but don't worry, I broke that streak today!

No Woman No Cry,
Carly

PS. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I realize how fortunate I am. I also realize I am not alone, everyone has some sort of struggle everyday. A moment they wish they could just go back to bed, know that you have the strength inside of you to move forward. I get through the hard moments of my day by repeating "find your strength, find your strength" to myself over and over. The strength is always there, we just need to uncover it.